Boys are Stupid

“Jake and I talked, I think we are going to try and work things out.”
“That is great! Did he apologize for when he said [fill in the blank]?”
“No, but Jake is a boy; boys are stupid.”

boys are stupid

It bothers me whenever I am telling a story involving something a guy did or when I am inquiring on a friend’s story of something a guy did and as an excuse for the guy’s behavior they claim: boys are stupid. Let me be clear: boys are NOT stupid. Sure, they can be imperfect, unobservant, and have one-track minds, but that does not make them dumb.

There has been so much hype going on about the phrase “like a girl” and how derogatory it is, but I cannot help but think about how often I hear the phrase “boys are stupid”… how is this any different? Just because I am a girl does not automatically make me weak, wimpy, or incompetent and just because someone is a boy does not automatically make them ignorant or irresponsible.

Guys and girls alike say things they don’t mean and overreact, but so often we dismiss comments made by guys that hurt our feelings or went unexplained just because he is a guy. Just being a guy does not mean that they do not need to take responsibility for their actions or inactions. By saying ‘he is a boy, boys are stupid’ does not make the situation go away nor is it a valid excuse to brush whatever happened under the rug. 

Just last night I said something that came out completely wrong, but I doubt the two guys I addressed left thinking “Lauren is so rude, but it’s okay, because she is a girl and girls are stupid.” So if I assume guys are not going to think that about me, why do so many of us let whatever they say slide just because of their gender?

Guys have thoughts and feelings just like girls, but sometimes they don’t come out right. Why not ask them what they meant or why they thought it was necessary to bring that subject up? By claiming ‘guys are stupid’, you are deciding that they do not understand what they are talking about or that they don’t think when they speak. I believe the opposite. I think they are just people who don’t think before they speak, but I think that more times than not there is meaning behind whatever was dismissed. 

So next time a guy does something irritating, wrong, or confusing don’t just ignore it and assume it meant nothing just because he is a boy. Bring it up and let him have a chance to explain, because most likely there is more thought into what happened than we give them credit for. Let’s start believing that boys are smart!

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Time is Precious

Reflection #3

alarm clock

It has always been said that women do not know what they want. As much as I would like to fall into the category of women who can denounce that fact by going after exactly what they want, I cannot. Looking back on last year, I realize that most of my frustration was brought on by confusion.

I had trouble deciphering the needs from the wants. I wanted to be [insert type of person here]. I wanted to do [insert activity here]. I felt that if I could just accomplish this want, then I would be happy or more satisfied or fixed, BUT I learned that it does not work like that.

One of the problems was that I was basing these wants and needs off of everyone and everything else. What they needed and wanted or what they thought I needed and wanted. I never really dug deep inside myself to figure out what the root of my feelings really were.

I really struggled with feeling alone. Of course I had friends and people around, but I wanted more… I wanted to be chosen and I wanted to be invited (and given the opportunity to decline). That was always such a big deal to me and I could never really figure out why I cared so much. I am an introvert, so spending time with people should be the least of my wants, but it never was.

Resolution

I need to analyze myself and really learn about who I am inside and what makes me tick. There are reasons I feel certain ways and I just have to pinpoint what they are. So I set out to figure out why I seemed to crave just an hour out of my friend’s day or a conversation here and there and what I found out is that I cherish quality time.

quality time

I took this quiz and my results were so accurate it was scary! As I read more information on being a ‘quality time’ person, it all made sense. Having this kind of insight into my own personality made me view my feelings and actions in such a different light.

This past semester was especially difficult, because friends who I was accustomed to talking to and spending time with had graduated and I was feeling quite neglected from the few friends I still had around. Instead of changing my mindset, I just holed up and isolated myself which only made matters worse.

It feels so good to have some clarity on why I was feeling the way I was and I am hoping to start learning more about myself and the people I care about, so I can be the friend that they need!!

Book Review: November 9

November 9She’s not the kind of girl you choose your battles for. She’s the kind of girl you fight to the death for.

November 9 is a novel written by Colleen Hoover about two people who meet and have an undeniable chemistry, but one is moving across the country that night, so they decide to meet up every year on that same date until they turn 23. Of course there is a plot twist about honesty and whether it has all been real or scripted.

I had been anticipating this novel for a while, because I am a Colleen Hoover fan and enjoy majority of her books. This one was no different. I have to say that November 9 started out really strong. The day I started reading it, I couldn’t stop, and read like 150 pages or so, but two-thirds into the book, I started to get a little bored. I didn’t really like where it was headed, but it came around and had a good ending.

The two main characters were Ben and Fallon. I have to say that I totally adored Ben. He seemed spontaneous and adorable and sweet and like he had a lot more under the surface than you would originally expect. Fallon had her issues, but she had every right to have them. I liked that she was self-conscious and was lacking confidence, because that made her more relatable and likable, because if she was perfectly fine (given her condition) then I don’t think I would have continued reading the book.

Ben and Fallon’s relationship through the first half of the book was absolutely addicting. They were funny and raw and full of emotion. Ben taught Fallon so much about how to love herself and let go of all that happened to her. The seeing each other once a year thing was an interesting perk of the book, but I can’t imagine having to go through that.

As much as I loved their story, I was not so into the plot twist. I know every story has to have some kind of conflict, but it felt a little too convenient. Although I didn’t guess it beforehand, I still felt that it was so extremely far-fetched (not that the whole book wasn’t, buuuut). It was just one of those instances where everything that could go wrong did go wrong with these two characters and that gets on my nerves, because it isn’t plausible. The chances are too great, but it is a book.

Granted, November 9 does redeem itself and I was smiling by the end, but it took a lot to make it through the rough conflict pages. Definitely a good story though. Not my favorite by a long shot, but worth reading!

Spin Master

Reflection #2

bowling

Always trying to figure out who the crowd around you expects you to be is exhausting. Never feeling comfortable in the situations you find yourself in is frustrating. That was me last year. Over-analyzing every little thing about every little thing. It constantly gets you down, because you are normally always lacking in something.

I would second guess all conversations and interactions, beating myself up after realizing that if I had done this or said that it may have ended slightly better. Eventually I just could not find the good anymore, everything resulted in something negative. Well, I cannot live like that anymore.

Feeling comfortable in my skin and being the wacky human being that I was created to be has been on my mind a lot. I want to stop second guessing, over-analyzing, and feeling inadequate, because I do not believe those qualities come from God, but instead are a result of the insecurities that I chose to focus on.

Resolution

So I have decided that positivity is going to be my word for 2016. Being positive and finding the positives in every situation. For example, this past Tuesday I went bowling with some friends and I suck at bowling. I prefer to do things that I am good at, because I am a sore loser, but I make an exception for bowling.

Well, like usual, I am doing really bad and can’t seem to knock down all the pins, but one of the guys that was playing with us was really good, but seemed to knock down 9 pins every time. So instead of being the sore loser that I am, I decided that 9 was going to be the goal. Sure enough I knocked down 9 pins on my first time up for the second game. I never did again, but it felt good!

The 9 pin goal really caught on and all of us started aiming for 9 instead of 10 and it made for a really silly and fun night! So many laughs and so much encouragement, but I think it helped us not get upset at ourselves for not being the best, because we were only aiming for 9. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it really worked!

We were all just obnoxiously encouraging to each other, giving each other high 9’s, and making a big deal out of whatever was knocked down. I would bowl every day if it was like that. I really hope to put that much effort into finding the positives in every aspect of my life, if I am good at whatever I am doing and feeling confident… or not!

But another thing that was great about that night were the friends who allowed me to be absolutely myself. The best part was that they joined in on the ridiculousness that was the 9 pin goal. It completely made my night and I am so glad to have people who remind me that being me is enough!

Movie Review: Concussion

concussionConcussion turned out to be a huge disappointment. I had such high hopes for this movie that is based on true events, but it did not live up to what I thought it was going to be.

So the plot surrounds Dr. Omalu, who discovers what happens to the brain of football players who are struck over and over again throughout their lives. It had something to do with the human anatomy and the force in which they are hit. He ends up getting a lot of scrutiny and crap for his findings since football is practically a way of life in America.

I was under the impression that this movie was going to be more about the battle of getting the NFL to accept his findings, but they only touched on that a little bit. It was more of a documentary that was seriously dramatized about his life. Sure, it was interesting, just not what I thought I was going to see. I expected a trial or some sort of fight, but that is not really what I got out of it.

Will Smith gave an outstanding performance though! His accent was impeccable and he really seemed to embody that of a man who had passion for what he discovered and only wanted to make a change.

I just felt there was really something missing from this movie. It is not awful by any means and the beginning is really great, but somewhere it just takes a different turn and I was not a huge fan. I also thought there was going to be a bit more football or explanation or fight…. I just felt it needed more.

Book Review: The Next Thing on My List

next thing on my listThe Next Thing on My List is a story written by Jill Smolinski about June, a woman who is involved in a car accident where her passenger, Marissa, died. June finds herself in possession of a list of twenty items Marissa wanted to complete before her 25th birthday. So June sets out to complete this list in Marissa’s memory.

This book was a steal, because I found it in the clearance section for only a $1. This story was such a delight to read. I am a huge fan of lists and dreaming of adventure, so by getting to be a fly on the wall of someone completing a list of hopes and dreams was just what I needed to start the new year.

The list was really great! I really want to steal a few off of there, but without spoiling the whole thing, a few were ride in a helicopter, watch a sunrise, and run a 5K. Very simple and overused, but let’s admit that a lot of us might even have those on our lists.

The story had great progression and one-dimensional characters, but it was lots of fun. It was definitely chick-lit, so it was not profound by any means, but gave way to a few laughs and smirks. June has lots of funny thoughts that I could relate to. It was also a fairly quick read being a mere 288 pages, but the story wasn’t too long or too short. It was the perfect length. Also be warned it is a bit predictable, but enjoyable all the same.

Unintentional Hurtful Words Still Hurt

It is finally a new year. With the beginning of a new year comes so much promise and hope and intention, but also reflection. 2015 was a whirlwind of emotion from the very start to the very end, so I have a lot to think over.

I have yet to make any resolutions, because I never stick to them, so I figured I will just take it one reflection at a time and see how I want to approach it differently.

Reflection #1

typing

Quickly after last year started, I felt like I was drowning. Nothing was going the way I planned or the way I wanted. I became so frustrated, angry, and irritable. I needed a safe place to try and get my thoughts out; since I type faster than I write, I decided a blog would be a good option.

The blog started as a positive outlet, but gradually turned into a place where all I did was vent and complain about all the negative situations in my life. It could be about literally anything or anyone. At first no one knew about the blog, so I would say whatever I wanted in the heat of the moment as I typed out my frustrations and clicked publish.

I very rarely thought clearly about my posts, because I always felt better after getting all of my clouded thoughts out of my head. I also did not think about the effect these words might have later on, because I wanted everything I said to be raw and real. BUT in reality some of the thoughts I have do not need to see the light. Ever!

Having such anonymity through the blog in the beginning turned out to be a not so good factor. It ended up being more of an encouragement for me to write mean things about the people in my life that I did not want to say to their face, but I never set out to intentionally hurt anyone (because for one I never expected them to read it).

Although not everything I wrote was malicious or negative; some posts I was extremely proud of or felt gave good insight into how I felt, so in the end I gave the link to a few friends not realizing what I had written in the past. Well hidden things never stay hidden, so those post were read, feelings were hurt, and trust was broken.

It took me awhile to realize that what I put out there can be interpreted however the reader wants to take it and that my friends do not like to be written about in a negative light no matter how I feel in the moment.

Resolution

Sincerely apologize to those who I have hurt by my words. I am so notorious for blowing off their feelings, because “that is how I felt” but I understand now that is no excuse and that speaking to them personally would have been better than airing our disagreement or my frustration to the world wide web.

I also want to be more mindful of what I say and how I react to people and situations. I cannot pinpoint when negativity started to cloud my mind, but I want to find the good and focus on the positive. I have learned that dwelling on and catastrophizing the bad that happens does not lead to a solution.

Asking for forgiveness will be a slow and difficult process, but I need to right the wrongs that I have caused. I know that through prayer and positivity I can do it, but I need to go about it without the expectation of immediate forgiveness. It will take time, so patience and understanding will also be required.

2016 Reading Challenge

Reading Challenge

I am moderately disappointed and slightly ashamed to say that I did not reach my goal of reading 40 books in 2015. Although 29 is not awful, I just feel like I let Netflix take the reins last year, but I am hoping to decrease my Netflix watching and get back into my favorite hobby and passion that is reading!

In addition to pledging to read 35 books this year in the 2016 Reading Challenge through Goodreads, I am going to complete The 2016 Reading Challenge from Modern Mrs. Darcy as well.

This list seems extremely straight-forward and I already have a few ideas for what to read for at least half of the requirements. I am looking forward to reading a book you own but have never read and a book that was previously abandoned. The most challenging will be a book you previously abandoned (because there are QUITE a few!) and a book you’ve already read at least once (because I very rarely re-read books!).

Overall, I am very excited to get started, because there is nothing I love more than reading and getting to mark things off of a list! 🙂

Happy New Year Everyone!